What to Do If You’re Tired of Begging for Attention From Your Partner

Are you tired of begging for attention from your partner and often feel like your need for affection is not being met? Being in this position can leave you feeling hurt, rejected, frustrated, and angry. Yet, in a relationship, it’s important for each partner to feel seen, loved, and cared for as this leads to greater relationship satisfaction.

Learn more about why you might feel tired of begging for attention from your partner and how this dynamic can affect your relationship and mental health. We also share some steps you can take to begin to improve your relationship, starting today.

Why You Might Feel This Way

There are different reasons why you might feel tired of begging for attention from your partner.

Your Partner Takes the Relationship for Granted

Over time, many couples who have been together for years develop a difference in expectations surrounding intimacy and attachment, says Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, a clinical psychologist and professor at Yeshiva University. This often leaves one partner taking the other for granted.

This is a common dynamic, particularly if there is little perceived threat to the relationship. One partner may neglect the other because they take the relationship for granted, operating under the illusion that their partner will always be a constant in their life, regardless of how they treat them.

Your Partner Has Different Expectations

For some people, living under the same roof meets their threshold for attention devoted toward their partners. This causes strain in relationships where the other partner requires more affection.

In these relationships, it is important for the individual to understand the value of their full attention and how they can enhance moments of intimacy with their partner. This can be accomplished through their body language, engagement, eye contact, and time spent together.

The Impact of This Relationship Dynamic

Reaching the point where you’re tired of begging for attention from your partner can have various effects, according to Dr. Romanoff, both on your mental health and your relationship.

Impact on Your Mental Health

You might begin to personalize your partner's behavior and assume there is something wrong with you. This can cause you to start searching for problems within yourself, which gives the illusion that if you solve that problem, you can gain your partner's attention and have more control over the situation.

You might also think you need to take action to become more attractive or change something about yourself to be worthy of your partner's attention or love. This only further erodes your sense of confidence and self-esteem. 

Impact on Your Relationship

When you are constantly begging for attention, the repeated rejection begins to have a cumulative effect. While each incident might seem insignificant, the overall pattern of pleading and having your needs ignored adds up and becomes devastating to the relationship.

You may make yourself less vulnerable to your partner and behave with more aggression toward them as your resentment seeps into your interactions. Your relationship might begin to feel more like a distant roommate situation as you and your partner check out from each other’s worlds.

Eventually, you may give up begging for attention from your partner, moving to a place of resignation where you know that begging is not effective and only makes you feel further rejected and despondent. You might even reach a point where you give up on your relationship completely.

How to Improve Your Relationship

Dr. Romanoff suggests several steps you can take if you’re tired of begging for attention from your partner, to improve your relationship dynamic:

• Stop begging for your partner's attention. While it is important to be vulnerable, you should not resort to begging for attention. Not only is this approach ineffective, it harms your self-worth. If you beg for attention and don’t receive it, you will feel rejected. Even if your partner does respond, it is only a temporary solution because the attention wasn’t freely provided.
• Focus on yourself instead. Do things that interest you. Start going to the gym, join a new book club, or take a class. This will bring more fulfillment to your life and help you become a better version of yourself. Take caution to ensure that you're not closing yourself off to your partner while focusing on yourself as this can be harmful to your relationship. Becoming strategically less available or "playing hard to get" is not an effective, honest, or sustainable solution.
• Stop trying to control your partner. Realize that you cannot change your partner's behavior. So, stop trying to control them and focus on what you can control—your own behavior and responses.
• Examine your behavior. Consider the ways in which your frustration with not receiving enough attention has made you more critical of your partner. There might be a self-fulfilling prophecy in play, where you are creating the conditions that set the stage for your partner to be distant.
• Ask what your partner needs. Instead of asking your partner for what you need from them, ask them what they want from you. They may have their own reasons for pulling away, including unmet needs of their own. This is a way of channeling more effective communication through a solution-oriented approach.
• Provide positive reinforcement. Encourage your partner's efforts to provide attention and affection with positive reinforcement. Make it a point to highlight and validate the behaviors they do well instead of focusing on what they don't do.
• Communicate. Do your best to clearly, honestly, and courageously express your feelings, experience, and requests.
• Consider therapy. If the situation isn’t improving, consider seeking professional help through therapy. Sometimes it takes the perspective and presence of a neutral, clinically-trained third party to identify negative cycles and help partners communicate better. You and your partner can undertake individual and joint couples therapy sessions to resolve your issues.

A Word From Verywell

Having your expectations for attention and affection go unmet can take a toll on your self-esteem and mental health. It can also affect your relationship with your partner, leading to negativity, fights, and loneliness.

If you’re at the stage where you’re tired of begging for attention from your partner, it can be helpful to break the pattern and focus on yourself instead. If things don’t get better, relationship counseling can help you and your partner resolve the differences in your expectations.