A Friendly Reminder: Showing Your Emotions Is Not a Sign of Weakness

Aerosmith sang about it. So did Whitney Houston, Mariah Carey, Destiny’s Child, and countless other artists. They sang songs about emotions—something all people can relate to. One study found that people experience at least one emotion 90% of the time, with joy being the dominant feeling. It’s a good thing, too, because expressing emotions impacts our health.

Research shows that positive emotions help us feel happier mentally, contribute to lower blood pressure, and lead to a reduced risk for heart problems.

Releasing negative emotions helps to lower your stress levels, overcome fears, and even increase your awareness of all the emotions you’re feeling.

“There is a misconception that the showing of emotion is about ‘crying’ or a ‘feminine’ display of behavior,” explains Liz Wilson, PhD, Behavioral Scientist and founder of Include Inc. “The idea that women are ‘biologically’ more emotional has been debunked by researchers.  Emotion is not gendered. But it can be conditioned,” she adds.

While women are often freer with showing their feelings, emotions obviously aren’t just conveyed by females. They also aren’t made to be stuffed or suppressed. Emotions are important, viable expressions of who we are as individuals.

This article will address the notion that showing emotion is a sign of weakness, why letting emotions out benefits your mental health, and how to deal with spaces where showing them is less acceptable.

The Problem with Stifling Our Emotions

When emotions are held inside, not released or processed, they affect our bodies and minds.

“Researchers have shown that when a person resists, suppresses, or ignores their emotions it can lead to mental health conditions such as depression and anxiety, and physical illness such as heart disease, autoimmune disorders, and gastrointestinal issues,” states Dr. Wilson.

We can’t hold it in. But we also get that there are places where it’s deemed less acceptable to become emotional. Tom Hanks famously said, “There’s no crying in baseball” in the movie, “A League of Their Own”. While comedic, it emphasized the point of hiding emotion in certain settings. Crying at work is also an unwritten rule for women. If you cry, it sends a message that you are unprofessional and can’t handle the job.

So, many people may be walking an emotional tightrope. They know being emotional all the time isn’t productive. But holding them in is problematic.

“Hiding one’s emotions does not make them go away; in fact, the emotion can intensify and then is built upon with every new emotion that is suppressed. This further impacts a person’s ability to avoid demonstrating the emotions in an ‘unhealthy’ way (e.g., aggression, isolation, addiction),” Dr. Wilson notes.

You can’t necessarily control how you feel. But you can find healthy ways to manage those feelings, which gives you more power in handling them when they come. Experts say that meditation, keeping a journal, sharing with a friend, and professional therapy are techniques you can use to help deal with emotions.

It’s also beneficial to normalize expressing emotions. Parents should talk to their children about being able to share how they’re feeling. They also shouldn’t be afraid to cry in front of their children and help them understand that having feelings is a part of life.

The Importance of Letting It Out

In addition to casting women in a negative light for showing emotion, society has often reviled men for showing theirs. Attitudes that make it less “manly” to show sadness, grief, or pain do a disservice to men and to their mental health. It devalues the power of owning the fullness of how you feel.

“The issue is not men crying, it's society's unwarranted definition of strength. The word strength has been misrepresented to mean operating with low emotions, but it's really the capacity to express emotions appropriately, even in uncertain situations. This is a sign of resilience, and every gender needs it,” states Chardé Hollins, LCSW and DEI Consultant CEO of Relevant Connections.

Thankfully, society is becoming more open to the connection between mental health and sharing emotions. Managing emotions has helped people who are dealing with mental health disorders. While processing pain or trauma, the ability to cry and vent your feelings is cathartic.

The hope is that this leads to all genders learning the importance of confronting how they feel, owning their emotions, and dealing with them in a healthy way.

A willingness to show emotions in a way that’s productive, to be an encouragement to others when they are dealing with emotions, and to be willing to talk about how you’re feeling is a step in the right direction. It also shows that it’s okay not to be okay, for you and for others.

“Reducing any form of stigma always starts with you. Let go of flawed definitions and patriarchal expectations. Hold space for men to heal, by offering affirmations when emotions are expressed and encouraging strength through tears whenever a cleanse is needed,” Hollins concludes.