Online Therapy Do I Have to Like My Therapist? By Julia Childs Heyl, MSW Julia Childs Heyl, MSW Julia Childs Heyl is a clinical social worker who focuses on mental health disparities, the healing of generational trauma, and depth psychotherapy. Learn about our editorial process Updated on September 01, 2022 Learn more." data-inline-tooltip="true"> Medically reviewed Verywell Mind articles are reviewed by board-certified physicians and mental healthcare professionals. Medical Reviewers confirm the content is thorough and accurate, reflecting the latest evidence-based research. Content is reviewed before publication and upon substantial updates. Learn more. by Steven Gans, MD Medically reviewed by Steven Gans, MD Steven Gans, MD is board-certified in psychiatry and is an active supervisor, teacher, and mentor at Massachusetts General Hospital. Learn about our Medical Review Board Print SDI Productions / Getty Images Table of Contents View All Table of Contents Do I Have to Like My Therapist? How Much Should I Like My Therapist? What to Do If You Don't Like Them Therapy can feel like a unique and mysterious process. It isn’t uncommon to have questions about your treatment and therapist. All Therapist-Client Relationships Are Different A common question that can come up is if it is necessary to like your therapist. Some may feel challenged by how connected they feel to their therapist, worrying if they like them too much, view them as a friend, or even have romantic feelings toward them. Others may feel zero connection to their therapist and even dislike simply being in the same room with them. Some people can feel indifferent to their therapist. Each scenario can raise concerns about what is “normal” in therapy and what is necessary to receive the best results possible. But, while you don't have to like your therapist as much as you would a friend, you certainly should have a positive alliance with them. Read on to learn why! Do I Have to Like My Therapist? There may be times in your therapy sessions when you’re wondering if you need to like your therapist. This is a normal question to have. Therapy is a space where you form both a professional and an intimate relationship with someone you only interact with for a limited time each week. Yes, You Should Like Your Therapist It is essential to have positive feeling toward and like your therapist, but expecting yourself to always like your therapist is unrealistic. First, let’s address why it is important to like your therapist. Working with someone you generally like can facilitate feelings of connection in therapy. When feeling connected, you may have an easier time opening up to them. It's Hard to Be Vulnerable With People You Don't Like Conversely, it can be challenging to make progress if you don’t like your therapist and therefore don’t feel connected to them. It is also crucial to accept that there may be times when you don’t like your therapist. Allowing yourself to tell your therapist when you dislike them can lead to significant breakthroughs. Many people who seek out therapy haven’t experienced healthy conflict resolution or may feel uncomfortable expressing criticism or disagreement. When you speak up in treatment, the therapist can model beneficial conflict resolution or validate your emotions. In turn, this can lead to clients becoming more comfortable with self-assertion and feel that they can trust their feelings more outside of the therapy room. 12 Things Your Therapist Knows That You May Not How Much Should I Like My Therapist? While it is key to like your therapist, there are important boundaries to remember. First, your therapist is not your friend. Therapists Cannot Be Your Friend While you may enjoy a friendly relationship with them, or they might have some qualities you’d like a friend to have, they cannot be your friend. This is due to therapists' ethical duty to not engage in dual relationships. A dual relationship is when a therapist pursues a business, friendship, or romantic relationship in addition to the therapeutic relationship. It is unethical for this to happen because there is a power dynamic involved between the therapist and the client, and the therapy relationship should be in the service of the patient's personal and emotional goals. It Is Possible to Feel Like You Love Your Therapist You might notice that you have strong desires to form a friendship or romantic relationship with your therapist. This is not uncommon and may reflect something known as transference. Transference—Why You May Love Your Therapist Transference is the feelings you experience towards your therapist that may relate to your past emotional experiences. For example, you may long for a loving mother and find your therapist to be maternal. In turn, you could crave a deeper relationship with her. Alternatively, you could develop romantic feelings for your therapist. While it may feel taboo, shameful, or guilt-inducing to admit these things aloud, therapists are trained to help their patient understand and support them through these emotions. What Should I Do If I Don’t Like My Therapist? If you don’t like your therapist, consider why that is. Do you find them to be unprofessional or judgmental? If so, that can indicate that they may not be the right therapist for you. Finding the right therapist can take some trial and error, so do not be discouraged if you feel it is time to seek a new provider. If you dislike your therapist because they remind you of someone in your life, take a moment to ponder what is coming up for you. Sometimes, our therapists can remind us of people we know and have negative relationships with. This is another example of transference. It's important to try discussing your feelings of dislike with your therapist and take it from there. If you find after an exploration of this that you still don't like them or cannot connect with them in a way that feels helpful, it's probably time to find a new therapist. Finding The Right Therapist for You It's OK if you don’t like your therapist and can’t pinpoint exactly why that is. Should you find yourself needing to seek out a new therapist, there are a wealth of directories that can help you. Open Path Collective offers a directory of therapists that offer sliding scale rates. Inclusive Therapists has culturally responsive providers committed to a social justice-oriented approach to the therapeutic process. You can also reach out to your healthcare providers or health insurance for further support in finding a new therapist. 8 Signs of a Bad Therapist: When You Should Move On 4 Sources Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy. Norcross JC, Lambert MJ. Psychotherapy relationships that work III. Psychotherapy. 20181018;55(4):303. doi: 10.1037/pst0000193 Safran JD, Muran JC. The resolution of ruptures in the therapeutic alliance. J Consult Clin Psychol. 1996;64(3):447-458. doi: 10.1037//0022-006x.64.3.447 Afolabi OE. Dual relationships and boundary crossing: A critical issues in clinical psychology practice. IJPC. 2015;7(2):29-39. doi: 10.5897/IJPC2014.0287 Nissen-Lie HA, Dahl HSJ, Høglend PA. Patient factors predict therapists’ emotional countertransference differently depending on whether therapists use transference work in psychodynamic therapy. Psychother Res. 2022;32(1):3-15. doi: 10.1080/10503307.2020.1762947 By Julia Childs Heyl, MSW Julia Childs Heyl, MSW, is a clinical social worker and writer. As a writer, she focuses on mental health disparities and uses critical race theory as her preferred theoretical framework. In her clinical work, she specializes in treating people of color experiencing anxiety, depression, and trauma through depth therapy and EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) trauma therapy. See Our Editorial Process Meet Our Review Board Share Feedback Was this page helpful? Thanks for your feedback! What is your feedback? Other Helpful Report an Error Submit